As you have already seen dear reader, you are aware that Grumpy Man has a few issues when it comes to driving and fellow road users. The thing is that the whole subject of driving and road use allows me to discuss the huge pool of utter tomf@ckery and moronic behaviour exhibited by the Human Race when ensconced in 1.5 tonnes of metal and machinery. I have two additions to my list of driving related subjects that irk me somewhat and I feel I should share these nuggets with you.
I mentioned in a previous rant about the SUV driving mothers on the school run who cant possibly let their stunted offspring walk to school and their inability to actually drive worth a damn. I have found the male equivalent of the WAG behind the wheel…. He is the BMW X6 driver.
So where to start… well lets start with the car shall we. Firstly calling it a ‘car’ is an insult to the long and proud history of motor vehicles. I have no issue with the BMW 6 series, apart from the fact that it is slightly phallic and does look like a ladies pleasure device on wheels. It is a fast and well engineered coupe and should have been left well alone. I can only assume that some poor defenceless 6 series was raped by a gang of X5s one night at the BMW factory and 9 months later the first X6 was born. Why this creation wasn’t strangled at birth by the engineers at BMW defeats me as it is a serious ugly confused bastard half breed of a car. It is nether a coupe nor an SUV and has the road presence of a fat bloke on a bike (as about as welcome) … It looks like bloated penile jelly mould on wheels. Maybe this is why it seems to be driven by c@cks.
The drivers of this ‘device’ seem to think that due to it being a 6 series that they can throw it around like a high speed coupe. This coupled with the usual selfish cockwomble attitude of anyone who buys a powerful SUV means that these 2 tonne penile extensions are often found carving through traffic at high speed leaving a trail of confusion and destruction. The drivers often seem to come from the same mould. Loud music playing is a must it seems as are tattoos and wrap around shades… possibly to help them remain anonymous whilst out and about in their ‘vehicles’. Maybe they are made in the same factory as the vehicles themselves so as to provide a market for X6s … a sort of X6 driver clone?
Whenever I see an X6 I don’t envy or admire… I pity and try to understand why anyone would want to drive one let alone pay the best part of £100K to own one…. Muppets!
Anyway, enough of the cockwombles who own X6s .. who can I discuss next… oh yes… those lovely people that seem to be utterly unable to use their indicators correctly at roundabouts.
Now these do fall into a couple of categories. Obviously there are those muppets that just do not seem to have the capacity to drive their cars safely around a circle and operate their indicators .. thus leaving the rest of us to guess which exit they plan to use… made even more fun when they change their mind at the last minute. There are those that actually seem to choose to indicate for exits they don’t seem to plan to use… this is a source of constant ‘fun’ and amazement on my commute. But my personal favourite is the driver that despite going straight ahead at the roundabout and thus doesn’t have to indicate.. then indicates right as if leaving the round about to the right …but then at the last minute indicates left and dives for the ‘straight ahead’ exit with the self satisfied grin that they are correct…… I am going right ..but actually I want to go straight on…..w@nkers. It’s called the Highway Code… give it a read you oxygen thieves.
Driving isn’t that difficult… some seem to make it so both for themselves and more importantly for the rest of us. Roll on driverless cars.. I know a fair few that could do with one.Tags: Cultural Travel Work