Probably my final missive whilst I am away of my ‘Grumpy Man’ tour of SE Asia as I am presently ensconced in an aluminium tube at 37,000ft travelling at 0.82 the speed of sound. For the hard of thinking and those a tad more mundane, that means I am flying home. Maybe if you were a tad more descriptive about your life and extended your vocabulary, then maybe your tedious life would be just that little less tedious (well maybe, as for some its a hopeless cause).
So you may be thinking that Grumpy Man is grumpy because he is returning back to ‘Blighty’ and all the fun that includes, such as work or bills etc. Well I will disappoint you, because I actually like what I do at work and it more than pays the bills. You may gasp at the thought that Grumpy Man may actually enjoy something but it is true, there are things in the World that make Grumpy Man smile. I will not divulge such sensitive information, but you can rest assured its not you dear reader.
You may think me a tad harsh at times, but I prefer the terms direct, succinct and unambiguous. I am neither a political or diplomatic creature and I sleep all the better for that. There are too many hypocrites, double dealers and back stabbers in the World and I prefer to not be one. Some might say I am an angry cynic, but its more accurate to call me a grumpy realist. As I have said, my two spirit animals are the Hound from Game of Thrones and Grumpy Cat from the interweb.
Enough such pleasantries, so what are we discussing (or more accurately, what will I be talking about today)? Let’s start with the term ‘diluting the brand’ shall we. Picture the scene if you will. You are staying in what is touted to be a five star luxury/business hotel in a major city of the World. The rooms are well appointed, the service excellent and on the whole the appointment of the hotel are as one would expect. Then to your horror as you journey to the resturant for breakfast, you realise what was once an oasis of peace and orderly decorum has be refitted by the demon offspring of Mario the Plumber (Nintendo) and Ikea. If that isn’t bad enough, someone has emptied the contents of all the local primary and junior schools into the orange and white hell hole for good measure.
A further complication is that fact that the accompanying parents seem, due to it being a local holiday, utterly disinterested in controlling the fruits of their loins. They almost seem to encourage the juvenile delinquents to further excesses of moronic behaviour ands disgusting personal habits. Nearly all were doing an excellent impression of Helen Keller when it came to monitoring the main reason they were still married.
Now I have heard the phrase ‘kids will be kids’ many times over the years, mostly from inadequate parents looking for an excuse for their failure to raise their children after successfully conceiving them. It’s almost as if bringing them into the World was the limit of their work and then the child became the responsibility of society, school or in some cases the SE Asian nanny. They then wonder 20 yrs later why their kids are dysfunctional and don’t visit them anymore. A word of advice, this is an area where you reap what you sow and karma may take a few years, but she will catch up with you in the end.
Anyway, enough about the little snotlings, back to more important stuff. This all meant that my breakfast experience was disturbed and Mrs Grumpy Man (yes dear reader there is one and it may surprise you to know that she is a smidge less tolerant than me) was thrown out of whack. At times there was murder in those beautiful grey/green/blue eyes of hers, which was most endearing to me. The sight of my dearly beloved Mrs Grumpy Man quietly fuming at the circus going on around her was most gratifying and made me fall in love with her just a little bit more. As you can imagine I thought that discretion was the better part of valour, so we cut breakfast short so as to minimise the chances of criminal charges being brought against us. It was a close run thing to be honest because if there had been one more shrieking, running, coughing, snot nosed child bumping into our table then I actually think there would have been a case for justifiable homicide.
The only saving grace and the only reason Mrs Grumpy Man didn’t snap the neck of half a dozen under 10’s (just to set an example of course you understand) was the prescience of some cold crisp sparkling wine which I found hidden away at one of the comedy Ikea style food counters.
So the moral today? Firstly check everything about the hotel and secondly always do a recce of the eatery’s before committing yourself. That way you can minimise the chance of having to eat your food listening to the random moaning of the ‘great unwashed’. I mean its supposed to be a five star hotel not feeding time at the zoo!
Realist and Life Weary Soul of the UK
Purveyor of Dubious Wisdom
A Reveller in GrumpinessTags: Cultural Holiday Tourism Travel