Grumpy Man in Bali (Part 3)

So dear reader, can I assume that you are still with me and haven’t lost interest in Grumpy Man yet? Or are you, as with Breaking Bad, just hanging in there until its gets better? Have I mentioned that you are my second most favourite reader of my articles?  You may ask who my most favourite reader is … well its obvious.. all the other readers of my fine blog.

So seeing as I am still in Bali, what could there possibly be left to ‘grump’ about? Honestly dear reader, if you have to ask, then you will never truly understand Grumpy Man and the pure and simple pleasures of being ‘grumpy’.

Question, can the service in a 5 star luxury hotel be too much? Can the service be so attentive that it detracts from the enjoyment of the guests during their stay?  Is it possible to be grumpy when everything is perfect? You may think me mad, but I think so.

Would you like to be in a hotel were the staff are everywhere, ready at a moments notice to leap into action to pander to your every whim? Where they recognise you by name and remember what you like? Where the management are constantly checking that everything is ok and how could they possibly make it even better? Where everyone is utterly insistent on you enjoying yourself and become concerned at the slightest hint of dissatisfaction on your part?  It’s almost as if the hotel has become some kind of anti POW camp, where the Camp Commandant has been replaced by the Customer Relations Manager and the guards by the waiting staff. Think about it, they are all hyper vigilant the inmates/guests, activities are arranged and must really be attended, the staff appear as if by magic at the most inopportune moments as if to try to catch you out and they are both most disappointed when you finally get to leave!

Essentially what I am trying to say dear reader is that the more luxurious the hotel is, the more like a POW camp it becomes. The staff even lace your room with booby traps to catch the unwary. These include flowers in your bath and on your bed! Large decanters of complimentary alcohol just laying around the room and don’t even mention the iPod filled with an eclectic mix of music.  All of these are most likely to lull you into a false sense of security during your incarceration.  They dull the sense to make you more amenable and compliant to the suggestions of the guards/staff.

One has to stay strong under such duress and this can be exhausting.  Constantly looking over ones shoulder for the Camp Commandant in case that you make so form of mistake or they get wind of the fact that you see through their facade. Earlier in my stay I was ambushed by the Camp Commandant whilst leaving one of the toilets, it was if she materialised out of the dark at point blank range to inform me that I had been very naughty and used the wrong toilets. It was made very clear that this would not be forgotten and would reflect badly for the rest of my stay.  Fortunately I was let off a trip to the ‘cooler’. You could almost see other guests trying to use the blink and tap codes to pass messages between each other during meal times.  Communication beyond mild pleasantries was frowned upon in case rebellious thoughts were communicated and descention occurred.

I am beginning to see why the infamous POW camp in North Vietnam was called the ‘Hanoi Hilton’. It has become the international model for 5 star hotels around the World. Maybe next time I visit a 5 star hotel I should do some wider research, not into the hotel, but into conduct after capture training as well as escape techniques.

Anyway dear reader I have to leave, the staff are restless watching me type and I have to help the escape committee with Tom, Dick and Harry. We should reach the perimeter by tomorrow at this rate. All we need is false papers and uniforms.  If you don’t here from me in a couple of days please inform my family via the Red Cross.

Grumpy Man

Realist and Life Weary Soul of the UK

Purveyor of Dubious Wisdom

Optimistic Pessimist

A Reveller in Grumpiness

Prisoner No 7

Stalag Luft 3

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6 Comments
  1. Profile photo of Steven-Everatlas
    Steven-Everatlas 1 year ago

    I love it, we need more grumpy people from all over the world! 🙂

  2. Profile photo of Steven-Everatlas
    Steven-Everatlas 1 year ago

    Be really funny to have grumps from different countries – be a great group/forum…

  3. Profile photo of Grumpy Man - Everatlas Author

    Grumpy men of the World unite ….. bugger off lol

  4. Profile photo of Christina
    Christina 1 year ago

    I really loved reading the above by Mr Grumpy, wow – hahaha, Yes! hahaha you should have trained escape techniques a bit before leaving your home country, or actually before you booked this hotel! Point blank, jumping out of the shadows, blink and tap codes? hahahahahaha 🙂

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